The Fat Lady's a Croonin'.

don't listen to drugs kids!

2010-07-14T11:27:00.000-07:00

whoa, who's got the stuff? innnovation from oklahoma.

diLOUDid!

hey there die there ho there

2010-07-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

and we're back after another long hiatus, this time because i forgot my password for like a year.

and so it keeps beginning.

south korea plus arnold schwarzeneggar equals mel gibson

IT BEGINS!

2009-04-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

WE RETURN AND WITH GOOD REASON. GRADUATE SCHOOL IS BORING! ALSO THE WAR HAS BEGUN. NOT WITH A BANG, BUT WITH A WHIMPER.*

http://www.thelocal.se/19120.html

*= robot squeezing man's head. I literally told you this would happen!

president executron

2008-06-02T22:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=36858

mega mechadickzilla.

2008-05-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

dood meets car, dood fucks car, dood and car live happily ever after.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-%27having-sex%27-with-1%2C000-cars.html

take it off!

2008-05-09T18:12:00.001-07:00

take it off, it becomes a humanoid robot. put it on it becomes a superhero. now that it's developing we will all be decimated.

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=26796

redundundant

2008-05-02T07:56:00.000-07:00

we need a global time out at this point. seriously.

http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/latestnews/Exclusive-Half-man-half-chimp.4028970.jp

do i turn you off?

2008-04-20T10:14:00.000-07:00

scientists fuck with sexiness, get boners.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7350403.stm

killer apps

2008-04-13T12:32:00.000-07:00

sigh, it's so hard to get into the robot business these days. unless you have tons of money and a lock on government contracts. then it's not too hard even when your unmanned man killing robot machines go on the fritz and swivel towards your own troops. it's just a temporary setback.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/blogs/technology_news/4258103.html

EVERYTHING IS FINE.

2008-04-07T18:41:00.001-07:00

everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine. everything is fine.

the cultural shits

2008-04-02T18:58:00.000-07:00

this website is so focused, so powerfully loaded with content that the internet might implode.

http://charmednascarnkotb.blogspot.com/

fine tuning culture to death

2008-04-01T19:39:00.000-07:00

a robot that fights crime and showers the homeless and mentally ill. surely you can't complain about that?

http://www.kansascity.com/news/nation/story/549746.html

bombs and babes.

2008-03-28T09:49:00.001-07:00

landmines and beauty contests. two great tastes that decimate together. seriously where is the off switch for this planet?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7315448.stm

back to attack!

2008-03-08T18:08:00.000-08:00

we're back and so are advances in robotic and political machinations sure to result in our demise very very soon.

this is from the daily mail, a rag to be sure. so why believe it? because it makes perfect sense. terminator on the way. it's a bit retarded, focusing on the likelihood of terrorists using robots, but this quote is apt.

"Robot soldiers that can decide who to attack will soon be roaming the world's battlefields if something isn't done about the global 'robot arms race."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=520429&in_page_id=1965

disbelief squared divided by whatever the fuck equals more civil rights forfeited related technology ha ha.

2007-10-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

read this article and tell me they're not bloody well off their trolley in merry ol' oregon. they're taking fucking fingerprints to facilitate lunch lining in elementary schools.

i mean seriously, how hard do they not have to try at this point? fingerprints to help make sure children get in line effectively? to pay for stuff? i mean, if this kind of thing can fly, there's no reason at this point they should bother sweet talkin' us while they shove telephone poles and reinforced girders slowly and lovingly into the depths of our cabooses. a cuckoo cocoa puff covered in cocoa butter and snorting coca leaf couldn't come up with this.

http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20071024/NEWS/710240447

fuckin' lunch line for cripes' sake!

war of the world.

2007-09-30T18:41:00.001-07:00

hey i got an idea! since massive alien vehicles of mass destruction have not attacked us yet why don't we design robots that function almost exactly like them? i assume it won't occur to anyone to put weapons all over this baby (General Patreus i'm looking in your direction). what next? oh yeah, robots that travel through time and kill people to insure the apocalypse. or rudy guiliani winning the presidency. same difference.

http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=24186

PLEASE TAZE ME BRO.

2007-09-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

because it's better than the list of new fangled weapons comin' down the line. here are some choice quotes. mind you they're from a british person so you'll have to filter out the commie pinko editorial tone. fucking british love terrorism and support al qaeda if you haven't heard.

"And a document released under the U.S. Freedom of Information Act talks of "optimal pulse parameters to evoke peak nociceptor activation" - i.e. cause the maximum agony possible, leaving no permanent damage. "
-no organ failure in sight! damn hippies with their "freedom of information"

"We use the word "medieval" as shorthand for brutality. The truth is that new technology makes racks look benign. "
-ah medieval torture i miss you so!

"Will they just be stuck there roasting?"
-sigh, of course they will.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=482560&in_page_id=1965

oh and this schizophrenic lady in a wheelchair was totally resisting arrest. that's why they had to taze her bro. 10 times. too bad about that death side effect.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/wkmg/20070919/lo_wkmg/14147512

ever closer

2007-09-19T20:34:00.000-07:00

the near future foretold! announced in a sequence of 3 small boxes.

http://pbfcomics.com/?cid=PBF225-Casting_Call.jpg#210

after that it's juuust gonna get worse.

dichotomy versus continuum

2007-09-11T22:24:00.001-07:00

it's always a continuum friends.

where do you fall on the CONTINUUM OF DOUCHEBAGGERY?

http://www.latimes.com/news/science/la-sci-politics10sep10,0,5982337.story?coll=la-home-center

in australia no one can hear you power up

2007-07-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

half man half robot, total shithead. that's the future folks.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/top-cop-predicts-robot-crimewave/2007/07/06/1183351416078.html

jesus hates a schmuck

2007-05-02T15:44:00.000-07:00

basically jesus tripped some lady. she's suing his representatives for not coming out of their trance like states to help her.

the priest replies "um bloop blargh doockoo kkkkhhhhhhh"

irrational and irrationaler

http://www.lsj.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070427/NEWS01/704270343

if we could get rid of people robots could kill people better.

2007-04-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

"Legally-speaking, the business of killing even in war can be quite tricky."

you see it's illegal for robots to kill people unless people tell them to. people want to get around this technicality. you pay for the homes and hobbies of these people. and they've got a plan.

http://www.defensetech.org/archives/003428.html

777 foot long limb!

2007-03-26T15:45:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that an ipod dating website is for absolute cunts. i don't care how mch controversy i spark.
log in here: http://www.poddater.com/

victimless crime?

2007-03-26T15:41:00.000-07:00

one of the most popular assumptions of modern times is when someone pees standing up it's a victimless crime. well that's a myth!
http://mapsu.org/

please sir, can i have some more?

2007-03-07T15:21:00.000-08:00

" Last year a UK government study predicted that in the next 50 years robots could demand the same rights as human beings. "

fifty years! In fifty years robots will demand the same rights as humans. by then i suppose that would amount to whatever the chocolate ration is at the time.

doods this is the time for some serious reevaluation of whatever the fuck! afghans are cave dwellers and iraqis are grave dwellers! taxi driver finally won the academy awards! goddamn it britney spears is a skin! where is the perspective in this topsy turvy world?

in all seriousness in 50 years i think it's more likely that hugo chavez will be a fatter more ruddy kyle machlachlan riding a giant fake slug and screaming about his weirding ways. and they will be weird. george bush will be a mutant cowboybotborg that will. not. be. stopped. and you and i will be fuel for dick cheney's water making machine. don't worry, our transmogrification will be subsidized by the world bank.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/6425927.stm

terminate. repeat.

2007-01-25T10:43:00.000-08:00

i read my blog over and over again because no one else will. and you know what i notice? lots of killer robots on the way.

http://www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn11021-streetfighting-robot-challenge-announced.html

is half a pile of shit any less filling?

2006-12-27T22:16:00.000-08:00

the FDA has deemed cloned animals A-OK for consumption. so OK there's no need to label them as fake animals. or computer generated animals, or animalonica. to make you feel better about their absolute lack of concern for your concern, they remind you that you will not be eating most of these animals. only their real live babies. half breed fakies are no big whoop.

being that the FDA is as trustworthy as i dunno, politicians or church, i suppose we have no reason not to absolutely trust them. say how does one get a job at the FDA anyway?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061227/ap_on_he_me/cloned_food

so deep it puts my belief in justice to sleep.

2006-12-03T17:05:00.000-08:00

forgive them father for they know not that they've been duped into saying what they really think.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061201/lf_nm/usa_muslims_fear_dc_1

from the land that god forgot

2006-11-18T10:07:00.000-08:00

israel has thrown it's hat in the ring of robokilling machine fucking making! god's children are building a bionic hornet and more importantly, gloves that give you divine strength. holy shit! what would you do if you had super human strength? CRUSH SOMEONE'S HEAD. This is going to happen people. it's been prophesized. so it is written. so it shall be done. seriously when is god gonna come down and just make it official? "you're all my children and i wish i never had you!" it's okay bro. we all make mistakes. until he does i'm playing that xtc song over and over again.

http://today.reuters.com/news/articlenews.aspx?type=technologyNews&storyid=2006-11-17T082415Z_01_L1751091_RTRUKOC_0_US-MIDEAST-WEAPONS.xml&src=rss&rpc=22

a litter bug of astronomical proportions

2006-11-14T13:38:00.000-08:00

hyooooooooomaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttyyyyyyyyy!
http://space.newscientist.com/article/dn10512-astronauts-to-pitch-unwanted-gear-off-space-station.html

i guess since aliens haven't invaded as of yet, we need to give them a reason.

(cum) in your face!

2006-11-03T13:55:00.000-08:00

i didn't have sex with the gay prostitute that i bought crystal meth from who game me a massage. I just bought crystal meth from a gay prostitute who gave me a massage.

you know, there's no commandment against eating dick when you got one. but there is one about being a big fat liar. oh he's inhaled my friends, he's inhaled.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061103/ap_on_re_us/haggard_sex_allegations

stinking badges.

2006-10-23T16:45:00.000-07:00

people are all paranoid and trying to make sure gay predators don't swoop down and grab boy scouts. then they set up a special badge of copyright respectfulness. do you see the contradiction here?

it's so gay.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/worldlatest/story/0,,-6161359,00.html?gusrc=ticker-103704

please christian please

2006-10-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

sometimes it seems like christians live in a box so impermeable to outside matter the only solution is to drop it into the water and hope it sinks.

http://www.calendarlive.com/music/cl-et-christian10oct10,0,1519920.story?coll=cl-music

will you quit it already? you're embarassing christ!

schizophrenia's taking me home

2006-10-10T20:07:00.000-07:00

get rid of it? but it's like the best disorder...to watch!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/6033013.stm

da na na na na na na na na batshit!

2006-10-06T15:25:00.000-07:00

bu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! allright, this website looks riDICKulous but the excerpt is an excerpt so let's cite it anyway. it quotes rush limbaugh's defense of marky mark foley.

http://thinkprogress.org/2006/10/05/limbaugh-blames-pages/

enter the harris!

http://www.palmbeachpost.com/blogs/content/shared-blogs/palmbeach/floridapolitics/entries/2006/10/03/harris_blame_the_media_and_dem.html

with friends like these who needs laws against your predilection for underage boys? you know, i've discussed pedophilia before. the notion that one would be attracted to children, those vile vile creatures with nothing but pure humanness (i.e. evil) in their hearts is beyond me. and has anyone considered that foley's victims are rich white pre-frat boys interested in a career in politics? i'm not saying pedophilia is the answer. post natal abortions on the other hand...

big ups to DJJD for posting this on his hyperfantastic blog:
hhttp://www.obscom.blogspot.com

also entertain yourself with many numerous loop de loop mixes by him and Big Hank at http://www.gfama.blogspot.com

where are my keys?

2006-10-06T14:42:00.000-07:00

i'll find them when i'm 80 but you won't because you don't smoke dope you fucking crackead.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061005/sc_nm/marijuana_dc

rectally massaging you with science

2006-10-06T14:36:00.000-07:00

dood walks into a hospital after hiccuping for 72 hours at a rate of 30 times a minute.
finding: rectal massages inhibit hiccups by stimulating the vagus nerve. WINNER 2006 Ig prize!

http://improbable.com/

the improbable guzaro zahmeugua

do you know anyone who might want to kill you with one punch?

2006-10-03T20:37:00.000-07:00

i can think of like 79 people off the top of my head and i don't even know who you are.

http://www.livescience.com/technology/060928_power_suit.html

extrapolate people!

the beauty of modern technology

2006-10-03T14:44:00.000-07:00

oh sweet sweet fake titties. you may be the death of me but you sure saved this little lady.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/02/world/africa/02ivory.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

the perils of modern technology

2006-10-03T14:40:00.000-07:00

"It came from a Greek-owned tanker flying a Panamanian flag and leased by the London branch of a Swiss trading corporation whose fiscal headquarters are in the Netherlands."

they're talking about garbage. garbage so garbagey it killed somebody. the blob is now a reality. and this one doesn't even need to touch you! it can just you know, hang out in the backyard.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/02/world/africa/02ivory.html?_r=2&oref=slogin&oref=slogin

global warming is doing its thing. now there's only one season: the endless bummer.

roborambo

2006-09-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

hi guys!
South Korea ( the good one) has (finally) developed a robot whose express purpose is to totally fucking kill.

"Via 'pattern recognition,' it can distinguish between humans, cars, or trees at two kilometers in daytime and one kilometer at night". now you understand that the cool thing about that is that it won't waste bullets on cars or trees.

first the governor of california, then the south koreans. soon some guy that HATES you.

http://www.metimes.com/storyview.php?StoryID=20060928-042215-5882r

it's just a matter of tiiiime.

oopsy daisy's pussy

2006-09-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

imagine this. a tearjerker/comedy of the year about artificial insemination gone wrong. It's called "My bad. wrong vagina." starring mia sorvino as the barren momma, kevin costner as the dad without a kid, paul sorvino as the uncle in all of his daughter's movies, macauley culkin as the kid that should not be (dude looks weird), and kathy bates as everyone else.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/W/WRONG_SPERM?SITE=FLTAM

seriously kids. WRONG VAGINA! Now apply this example to past discussion points about futures doomed. and consider that we have another hurdle beyond human error. it's called human nature, as in EVIL.

culture's lateral spiral towards armageddon

2006-09-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

thanks to ms. magnets for giving us this bit of absolutely stunning madness from high atop mount what the fuck.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=_ZBi4j8cj6Y

EVERYONE AGREES!

2006-08-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

Joe Lieberman is a cunt! (even if he wins)

a little oil, a little pastels, a little rat neurons...

2006-08-08T12:42:00.001-07:00

check out the meart hypobot that does better artwork than me. Me! an accomplished loafabout with his penis outand no talents or wits to speak of.

http://www.neuro.gatech.edu/groups/potter/MEART.html

you see what we're doing here is just learning about learning. we're not interested in consciousness. of course anybody else who might be.....do what thou whilt. make frankenshteen. why we'd even be pleasantly surprised!

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/medtech/0,71457-0.html?tw=rss.index

oh and what price consciousness? approximately $60,000 multiplied by three-ish. if you find that cynical check out this article which hurt my head goodly.

http://www.wired.com/news/technology/medtech/0,71457-0.html?tw=rss.index

GOD'S ASSHOLE

2006-08-03T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here he is, Mr. i'mafuckingpieceofshitwatchmepunctuatemyprayingwithalittlepontificatingbutmakenomistakei'm
apieceofshitohyesandsomemightevensayi'mproofgoddon'texistbutdon'tblamegodbecausemaybei'm
justarunofthemillfuckingliar.

http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/newsdesk/N03438084.htm

my three sons (are lifeless machines)

2006-07-09T08:48:00.000-07:00

i don't know what's sadder. the winsome look on this slave robot or the fact that its creator calls it "son". i must say that robopomorphization seems like the most natural and ironically stupid phenomena. we've been doing it for years and it's going to end in our extinction. this robot's grandkids are going to crush your head.

http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=992232006

for the love of all that is shitty

2006-07-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

imagine this for a minute. there's a team of secret service guys. they're in suits with sunglasses and ear thingies, drinking coffee. when their friends ask what they do all day, they say "you know i can't tell you that, it's classified". then they go to work and make calls. they have meetings. they attempt to ascertain who is the person who took a picture of brad pitt.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/07/01/jolie.pitt.camera.ap/index.html

then they get pay checks.

potential commercial uses

2006-07-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

asshole technologolicysts are designing a computer that can "read minds". do you ever get sick of scumbags called the media making sure that all context caters to the incredible shrinking brain?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/5116762.stm

can you think of other potential commercial uses of mind reading computers?

like i don't know, maybe KILLING?

thou shalt not get into heaven

2006-06-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

i imagine politicians went home after this meeting and couldn't stop giggling. think about it. they are in charge of nuclear weapons and they edit the word of god. i bet they giggled so loudly they woke up the hooker. who busted out the butt plugs and got to work.

http://www.2theadvocate.com/news/2990536.html?showAll=y

Scum lights up the night sky

2006-06-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

FUCK YOU REALITY

http://apnews.excite.com/article/20060618/D8IAQTLO1.html

all the children gather 'round

2006-06-13T14:30:00.000-07:00

if daddy doesn't make a space house, you're going to die a horrible death, yes you will, you cute little carbon based bag of shit.

http://apnews.myway.com/article/20060613/D8I7ADB81.html

we haven't posted in awhile despite hundreds of relevant articles zooming past us. you know why? because you're not the only one who doesn't give a crap. but this one was just too apocalyptic to pass up. can't wait for the children's book to come out. wonders of the universe tend to destroy humanity don't you know.

public eyes. are watchin yoo. public eyeeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyeyesssssss watchin yoo watchin yoo

2006-06-13T14:18:00.001-07:00

who cares about public cameras? i'm not doing anything wrong. just getting busaaaaaaaaay.

http://www.thisislocallondon.co.uk/display.var.776607.0.cctv_camera_spies_on_lovers.php

i look forward to finding this on youtube next month. oh and check out the comments from the "council spokesman". if heard in person, the appropriate response is to wave your hand in a fashion that is both dismissive and somewhat assaultive at the same time and say "get the fuck outta here!"

what price fashion?

2006-05-09T14:59:00.000-07:00

listen, if g.i.joe didn't look cool you wouldn't have bought the action figure. that's why you must understand when the troops say "blockage of bullets yes, but at what cost?"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/05/09/wus09.xml&sSheet=/news/2006/05/09/ixnewsnew.html

IT'S NOT WORKIING

2006-05-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

execution gone wrong. the part that gets me is that they close the curtains to fix things and make sure to open them again so viewers observe the death. it was like an intermission!

http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/05/02/lethal.injection.reut/index.html

yo earth, you're next!

there she is. miss WMD.

2006-04-22T12:22:00.000-07:00

um, this article which is not in a pretend newspaper that i made up in my head, is about the really big problems surrounding the holder of the title miss iraq.

“Our politicians should have more to worry about than whether Miss Iraq should go to America,” she said. “I cannot believe the extremists would do anything to a beauty queen.”

you madame, are a fucking idiot.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,7374-2131418,00.html

by the way, did anyone watch miss america last night? i was totally rooting for miss georgia. sweet tits. nice ass. could gain 10 lbs. but you know, whatever.

byee!

i'm special. and damnit robots like me!

2006-04-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

interesting article showing how the japanese prefer nanofriendship to human kindyness. at least of the filipino persuasion. it does provoke some thought. perhaps the attitude of the creator has something to do with the end product. then again i've seen footage from Tetsuo the iron man. methinks we're fucked east or west.

http://economist.com/world/asia/displaystory.cfm?story_id=5323427&no_na_tran=1

orwell+huxley

2006-04-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

how about everyday at work we have the 2 minute commercial instead of the 2 minute hate? sound bad? remember that right now you get 2 minutes of commercials for every like...7 minutes of show watching time. jim jones we need you now more than ever!

http://www.newscientisttech.com/article/dn9011-invention-the-tvadvert-enforcer.html

sucker for the sake of sucking

2006-04-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

if this isn't a quality of life crime then i don't know what. someone give this guy a ticket.

http://milwaukee.bizjournals.com/sanjose/stories/2006/04/10/daily41.html

media suicide

2006-04-15T14:15:00.000-07:00

it happens in my dreams. all the kent brockmans of the world methodically light candles, play puccini or some shit, climb in the tub, and have dwarves throw hi fi soundsystems in.

"She appeared calm in front of the media, which have followed her plight intensely."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4910732.stm

or better yet a terminator

2006-04-15T14:09:00.000-07:00

like arnold schwarzenagger.
here we go. crusher and spinner sounds like an osome tag team in wrestling but they are in fact more robotic manned man killing machines. you know how in the movies robots have this thing where they aren't allowed to hurt humans? yeah these robots don't have that.

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/04/13/crusher.robot.ap/index.html?section=cnn_tech

FORCE

2006-04-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

holy shit. real live force field.
http://www.poetv.com/video.php?vid=2081

brought to you by SPAM

2006-04-07T07:55:00.000-07:00

Hi.
the news is fake.

http://www.prwatch.org/fakenews/execsummary

in space no one can hear you wet your pants

2006-04-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

the fact that the term "geofence" is actually being used in this day and age scares the bejesus out of me. does it scare you? now let me emphasize that child molesters disgust me. how can anyone find kids sexually attractive? they are vile little creatures filled with so much humanness, to tell you the truth i can't decide who makes me more sick. the molesters or them. now i don't want you to take these comments the wrong way. i'm not pro choice. i'm pro abortion. What was my point? oh yeah, it's only a matter of time before you're screaming that someone's got a lock on you with their tractor beam. maybe it's the carlysle group, maybe it's pirates. but there will be a tractor beam locked on you. oh yes, there will be a tractor beam locked on you.

http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/0406GPS-Child-ON.html

more shania twain associated involuntary manslaughter funny ha ha!

2006-03-31T09:18:00.000-08:00

this story is bananas. if i may, i recommend that you listen to shania twain's "man i feel like a woman (especially in my vagina)" while you read the story so you get the mis en whatever the fuck of this insane love triangle between a hick, his wife, and a shotgun. the funny thing is when they adapt it for law and orders 1-7 it won't be funny!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/03/30/nwest30.xml&sSheet=/news/2006/03/30/ixhome.html

bullshit is patented

2006-03-20T11:37:00.000-08:00

YOU HAVE MOST LIKELY BEEN ALREADY PATENTED.
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/19/opinion/19crichton.html?ex=1300424400&en=9addb806498d2739&ei=5088&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss

johnsmith1zillionand62

2006-03-20T11:21:00.000-08:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,25689-2090880,00.html

back to black

2006-03-10T14:28:00.000-08:00

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/info-tech/dn8826.html

think outside the box. there's another box. it's filled with brain controlled machine guns, flame throwers, knives, those big styrofoam hands at baseball games, devil sticks, and powerpoint presentations.

stop the progress!

more religion funny ha ha!

2006-02-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

you know something funny about religion?
because it's so damn stupid!

wait, i told that wrong. i'm starting again. religion in and of itself is something we should discuss in private where i can totally break down and cry with my head in your lap. however, any form of public discourse in regards to religion seems to descend into complete fucking madness that rivals the best of emo phillips. with no connection to our theme (ironically a total and abject fear of progress) i present to you an article detailing the battle within the christian faith regarding the politics of immigration. this shit is priceless. doesn't sound funny you say? how about this!

"Joseph and Mary had to flee persecution. Jesus was not born in his home community," Giddings Ivory said. "Jesus and his family perhaps would have been locked up with a strict border approach to immigration."

and since i know you're not actually going to read the article here's more;

"As a person of faith, I was offended by these radical advocates invoking God when arguing for blanket amnesty," Tancredo said. "If we really want to be a compassionate faith community, we must enforce the law and end the border charade that lures hundreds of people through the deadly desert every year."

http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_4486482,00.html

i wish i was there. i'd look at Giddings Ivory and be like "now you go. say something inane again. i dare you!" and she'd be like "allright. i'll take that dare." and then Tancredo would be like "wait can i get in on this?" and i'd be like "Tancredo hold up. let the nice lady talk her nonsense. we get to you next dood. "

dna says nay

2006-02-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

Ha! DNA testing takes on G O muthafuckin' D. and this time we root for DNA. more complete fucking comedy under the guise of subservience to a benevolent all powerful higher being who out of love and devotion created us puddles of c's, a's, g's, and t's. morons, your peculiar brand of silliness is extra silly. that's why i hope you make it out of this "controversy" somewhat unscathed. oh and your church of latter day saints commercials make me swell up with all this goodness and love for my fellow man and shit. i love that part of you too. but then i eat a chocolate or a peanut or something and that's it man. my body hits tilt and it's puke city.

"Once you do research and start getting other viewpoints, you're toast,"

this truest of truisms about most established faiths is a quote from one of the morons themselves. oh shit. i just noticed that i forgot the second m in moron. 3 times!

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/la-me-mormon16feb16,0,1135048.story?page=3&track=hpmostemailedlink

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

2006-02-16T09:45:00.000-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060215/od_nm/iran_pastries_dc

weather: OWNED

2006-02-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

remember the injun in the league of justice or the hall of leagues or some shit, who turned into a tornado then fought against the samurai who ALSO TURNED INTO A TORNADO?

soon friends. soon.
http://www.defensetech.org/archives/002163.html

the site's pretty creepy too. read the comments by people who know what they're talking about but don't realize it's total hyper scariness that goes to 11.

the mark of the beast is no big whoop

2006-02-13T17:02:00.000-08:00

seems to him, if your wife can't track you then there are absolutely no ramifications to IDENTITY CARDS UNDER YOUR SKIN.

http://news.ft.com/cms/s/ec414700-9bf4-11da-8baa-0000779e2340.html

now this is some good crazy!

2006-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

adult: little boy, what do you want to be when you grow up?
little boy: a robot camel jockey!
adult: WHAT THE FUCK????

http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/02/05/kuwait.robot.reut/index.html

hey reality, quit it!

2006-02-02T09:56:00.000-08:00

i'd rather see mel gibson starring in a morissey biopic.

http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,,1695198,00.html

dance dance evolution

2006-01-25T22:12:00.000-08:00

in the future people will excercise in their pods via isometric shock tissue readjustment. Until then douchebag children can go to gym and play fucking video games that will teach them to eDance! good luck out there kids. you're so little and stupid and gross.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2006/01/25/BUGA6GSFCG1.DTL&type=business

wwhmhrd?

2006-01-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

if you were half man half rabbit what would you do?

chim chim chimera.
http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/01/13/rabbit.human/index.html

popping a heime!

2006-01-10T13:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.newscientist.com/channel/fundamentals/mg18925331.200

HERMAPHRODITIC

2006-01-10T13:37:00.000-08:00

POLAR BEAR!

http://news.independent.co.uk/environment/article337581.ece

momma don't let your children grow up to be cyborgs.

2006-01-09T10:26:00.000-08:00

pro: i don't have to worry about losing my keys.
con: remember the part where robocop goes back into his former house and watches a video of his kid and gets all short circuit?

http://www.canada.com/vancouversun/news/story.html?id=d4f47afb-6ee3-460d-b4e3-834770fa886b&k=85038&p=2

potty time!

2006-01-03T09:24:00.000-08:00

elmo's revenge!

http://www.local6.com/news/5784303/detail.html

big pharma's fatwa

2005-12-30T13:07:00.000-08:00

the main article here is loooong and confuuuuusing and relevaaaaant. this quote should give you an idea:

"There was some confusion over the interactions with Mr. Agyarko,” she said. “The key point here is that there was no wrongdoing.”

sure there wasn't.

http://blog.stayfreemagazine.org/2005/12/fake_drugs.html

message 1: you've been subpoena'd!

2005-12-27T10:45:00.000-08:00

just imagine...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051226/tc_nm/korea_phones_dc

women of the world take over

2005-12-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

because none of you would let your babies turn out to be urko.

http://news.scotsman.com/international.cfm?id=2434192005

mirror mirror on the wall whose the most fuckedest of them all? mind you we can actually do something pretty damn close to this now. A little gene splicing here, a little stem celling there, a little endorphin manipulation and voila! And since it's possible, it's pretty much inevitable. chimera mera bo bera banana fanna fo fera.

do you want your receipt?

2005-12-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

how sick are you of bleeding heart hippies shooting their mouths off about how maybe the machines that politicians put in to calculate if they get elected or not might not be 100% accurate? these liberal monsters, yes i said it, are responsible for the deaths of at least 7 out of the last 10 troops killed in iraq.

oh wait...
http://www.palmbeachpost.com/state/content/state/epaper/2005/12/17/a28a_voting_1217.html

Yo google scum quick

2005-12-19T19:16:00.000-08:00

in a dramatic turn you get the google homepage!

http://www.networkingpipeline.com/blog/archives/2005/12/has_google_beco.html

Through the mirror glass glassly

2005-12-15T22:17:00.000-08:00

hey people,
you are a member of a species that MURDERS. then quips idiosyncratically.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/tm_objectid=16481737&method=full&siteid=94762&headline=dead-man-talking--name_page.html

C U Next Teusday!

2005-12-07T14:37:00.000-08:00

Whoa! the peeps in washington are working overtime! i am a little bit excited in my pants because today we make a couple of corrections here at abject negativity.com. how legit. firstly, we're talking politics again. i promise this will be short. seconder, our last post equated politics with coprophilia. That algorithm is incorrect. In fact, that comparison is a slander upon the name of coprophiliacs everywhere. will all cookie cutter liberals please hit your self destruct button now?

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/wire/newyork/ny-bc-ny-brf--clinton-flag-1205dec05,0,7179096.story?coll=ny-region-apnewyork

thanks a bunch.

you won't be missed.

still here?

give me a d!

give me an i!

give me an e!

politics=coprophilia

2005-12-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

hey there!
the fat lady doesn't usually discuss politics since it's pretty cut and dry. politicians want to kill you and eat your body because that gives them power, end of story. but this seems to inflate the term "ironical" to new dimensions.

http://www.latimes.com/news/printedition/la-fg-infowar30nov30,0,3132219.story?track=hpmostemailedlink

man is a complex being (intestinally speaking)

2005-12-02T10:47:00.000-08:00

regularly speaking man is a fucking stupid piece of shit that is mesmerized by whatever the fuck is shiny. you know, they pontificate on how much we've accomplished. take a look at this and realize your race is no better than a retarded dog. And dogs are pretty dumb to begin with. first, the article is on cnn. second, the article is without any trace of irony. third, i propose a 6 billion person suicide pact. it's the honorable thing to do.

http://money.cnn.com/2005/11/22/Autos/funonwheels/celebrity_nav/index.htm

mommy loves you and wishes she never had you

2005-11-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

this story makes my head hurt. yes waking up makes my head hurt too. but i wouldn't simply post about that. i am attempting to imply that I hope that your head hurts when you read it.

http://www.courttv.com/news/2005/1110/harriton_ctv.html

relevant research

2005-11-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

okay we've been pretty much negative nellies here at the fat lady for quite some time. time for something a little more constructive. here's some real research going on at M.I.T. that many of you schizophrenics might find very interrresting. roll them r's.

http://people.csail.mit.edu/rahimi/helmet/

IMMEDIATE (identification and tracking)

2005-11-17T17:18:00.000-08:00

man, the best thing about technology is how fast it is! how fast the doods in the video games move, how fast the porn loads, how fastly they can track every move you make and document it and find you whenever they choose to suck your brain out your ear and use it to run their cars that run on brains. and souls. that's the real hybrid car of the future. and you're not gonna have one, friend.

http://www.breitbart.com/news/2005/11/17/051117122039.bk8qci9l.html

Mr. Twinkesetti, you catch me unawares!

2005-11-17T12:49:00.000-08:00

i don't know if it's art but i know it's osome.

http://www.webujournal.com/media/paper245/news/2005/11/17/News/Arrested.Student.Says.It.Was.Art-1059522.shtml?norewrite&sourcedomain=www.webujournal.com

the war is so bright

2005-11-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

you have to wear shades. dolph lundgren and wham bam van damm will have nothing on the military in the very near future. did you know that the united nations has rules about laser guns? they're the reason war isn't as awesome in real life as it is in the movies. tell me you are not sick of the stupid united nations not listening to the voice of the mainstream. hey UN, shut it!

http://www.newscientist.com/article.ns?id=dn8275

no techno

2005-11-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

in general i see no point to discussing today as tomorrow's mushroom cloud renders it pretty moot, but this is somewhat noteworthy. #1 newsstory on every local news channel: RADIO CITY MUSICIANS ARE ON STRIKE. i guess it's a slow week for news. or is it?

blue brains

2005-10-30T20:18:00.000-08:00

watch that computer flop around and cure disease!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4071192.stm

and help sam champion reach 50% accuracy.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/4071192.stm

(you might notice somewhere in the middle the key word which is weapons).

would you feel more comfortable in my toilet?

2005-10-30T20:10:00.000-08:00

humans transmogrify into pieces of shit and sell some bullshit.com bullshit. just read the first paragraph on how this scenario plays out. it allows me to finally use the term awesinine!

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/246065_onenote27.html

CAPTAIN AMERICA

2005-10-25T22:30:00.000-07:00

imagine if captain america was real? i bet he would kill better than anybody!

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17013218-13762,00.html

the pederasts are coming! the pederasts are coming!

2005-10-25T22:23:00.000-07:00

my profile rools. catholic school drools.

http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20051024/NEWS01/510240324